Thursday, April 30, 2009

My week thus far....

Monday-Got off work on time. Always a plus. Got a good run in, made dinner, and made a few calls. Boring yes, but I'm not complaining.

Tuesday-I only remember getting home. No alcohol involved.

Wednesday-I woke up at 5 in the morning fully clothed. My hat was still on too. I decided to go to Wal-Mart and get the grocery shopping done for the week. I then worked until 7, and afterward I helped some idiots move furniture in a thunderstorm. Got home late and hit the sack.

Thursday- Worked late again. Went and had some fish tacos with good company, got home and cleaned. A lot. No time to jog, which sucks.

Friday- As soon as I get off work on Friday I have a couple of friends coming over. It time for Man Trip. We are heading up to my father's house in the backwoods of Oklahoma for some fishing. If the fish don't bite, there's beer and a pool table. We can make do. As long as I don't have to talk to any natives I should be able to stay out of jail.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Quick Fix

Warning: This post is about Football. All those reading without the NFL gene woven into their DNA should stop reading now.

It time for the NFL Draft. For those of us that love Football this is an important time of year. You get to see which teams are going in the right direction and which are not. Unfortunately some of us watch the draft and realize it will be 5 months before we get to watch a game. 5 MONTHS! There should be laws against such things. I can tell you right now that by then end of July I will be shaking like a heroin addict that hasn't had a fix in 4 days. A man needs Football. Its an excuse to sit on his ass all day long and scream at the TV, or got to the bar and scream at the TV. Sunday is man day and we have a hard time justifying that without a proper sport on television. For now we get basketball and hockey which is acceptable, but in a month do you realize what will be left? Do you? That slow, boring game where 9 guys stand around and scratch themselves. That slow, boring game where you can eat 2 hot dogs, take a nap, go get a beer, and still only miss 90 seconds of action. I can feel dinner coming back up on me at the thought of the game so I won't even bother to say the word. Stupid game. No Football. I think I'll go cry myself to sleep now.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Nature is cruel

The other day I was driving home. It was one for those weird days where it rained for a little bit, and it kept raining even after the sun came out. Sound like perfect conditions for a rainbow? It was, and it wasn't some little one that lasted for 10 minutes. It was a full arch spanning the entire horizon, and I chased that sucker for 30 minutes. Now most people would just simply enjoy the scene, but I'm a little too cynical for that. What do I start thinking about? Yep, the gold. Now I do realize that there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I don't believe in fairy tales. Besides, Leprechauns are way to sneaky to get caught. The almost got one in Alabama though.

So this gets me thinking about nothing less that being rich and all of the things I would do with the money. You know you do it too. You have to dream a little every once it a while. Before the rainbow disappeared like a beer at a frat party, I came up with the following-

1. Buy a little house on the beach somewhere exotic. Hire a french cook to teach me everything they know. I'd be able to fish every single day and drink a rita' on the beach at sunset. No complaints
2. I'm a guy. Horsepower. Lots of it. A 1 bedroom house attached to a 30 car garage should do.
3. I'd take about half of the money and give it to friends. Make sure their kids education is paid for, stuff like that.
4. A couple of times a year I'd fly all of my friends and family into whatever town I'm in and have a get together for a weekend. Then I'd send the family home and party with the friends for the rest of the week.

I started to have thoughts of buying an NFL franchise, but that faded just as fast as the pretty colors.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Got a cat? Want a cat? Don't understand cats? Help is here.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Look Ma, Aliens!

After many years of research I have come to the conclusion that there are aliens living among us. I recently took a little weekend trip to do some fishing and I encountered a few of them. Now usually I try to avoid leaving the vehicle when I am in this part of the country. Unfortunately I had to enter a large building where the aliens gather on weekends for public assembly. No, it wasn't a church, it was even worse. Wal-Mart. You might as well consider it Mecca with the way it draws people towards it. I actually heard one guy say to the checkout lady "This store must be half a mile wide and a quarter mile deep!" He was not to be confused with the man telling his boy in sheer excitement "Look Johnny, they got seven different kinds of bratwurst!" I'm fairly certain he counted them with his fingers first. I almost popped an eye out of socket trying not to laugh.

The aliens all look like humans, but that's about it. They dress weird, speak with an odd dialect, and smell a little strange. They also drive 20 MPH under the speed limit, reside in trailer homes, and love noodling. If you find yourself in a place like this you are located in Oklahoma and should leave immediately. 200 miles in any direction sould cover it. Go now.

I do realize that as a Texan your IQ will immediately qualify you to run for mayor of whatever podunk town you are in (Tulsa, for instance) but you must leave. If you move to Oklahoma I will treat you as an Okie, and will make jokes you won't get after spending too much time with the natives. Sorry Pops, but you made your chioce.

As a lifelong Texan with many bad experiences North of the Red River I am convinced the Border Patrol is building the fence on the wrong side of the state. We need to keep the Okies out of Texas, and anyone that has ever met one will understand. For any Okies reading this, congradualtions for reading this far. Now go take some Advil and get a nap. Your head must be killing you.

Soon to come: Part 2 "Revised Plan for Stopping Illegal Immigration"

Monday, April 6, 2009

Too much?

OK, maybe I was a little rough on the old Amazon. I bought a new toy that I'm thrilled with. I also snagged a pair of albums for that oh so cheap price of 9.99. The first one is the new Flo Rida. For those of you that bought his last one, this one is better. It has a little Black Eyed Peas feel to it. A little bit different and more upbeat than his normal stuff. It has a little something for everyone, even if you don't normally listen to rap. I like every song on it.

Warning: If you visit a certain type of club soon (the type where they have rules about where you can put your hands) you will hear something off of this album. Dance beats are present.

The 2nd one is the new Ludacris album, Theater of the Mind. OK, its not that new, but I didn't have it until now. So far I've only gotten to the intro and one other but lets just say Luda is back. Its been a while since he made an album I like, but this one is solid. Its more about the lyrics than the baet with him (as always). You'll have to actually like rap to dig this album. I give it 3 1/2 stars.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Amazon Will Send me to the Poor House

Now usually I can refrain from buying things I don't need but Amazon just kills me. I can go on there and refrain from buying things, but that evil web site remembers stuff I've looked at!!!!

I had to do a little shopping today, no big deal right? So get find what I need and checkout. Kinda. All that junk I've looked at over the past month is staring me in the face screaming BUY ME. I know I shouldn't, but I figure what the hell. I'm spending 80 bucks, why not make it 100? To top it all off I realize next Friday is a holiday, and to make sure I get it I pay 10 bucks more for shipping. I am so hopeless. Stupid computer.

One day I'm going to have to sell all the crap I've bought off that site just to pay rent. I'm sure that will come at a 90% loss. There better be enough left over for a bottle of vodka in the end.