Join the cause

I have a big problem. I am a night owl, and that's an understatement. I love staying up until 4 AM for no reason. I can do it any night of the week, but sometimes that happens when i don't want it to. Like Tuesdays. This has caused the death of many alarm clocks. When that little bastard starts chirping at 6:30 I just want to kill it. It forces me to develop a hatred of inanimate objects I normally do not have. Picture a caveman being awaken by a fire alarm and going nuts, strange grunts and looks of bewilderment included. That's a fairly accurate portrayal of my average morning. Everything in my path to shutting that annoying thing up will be destroyed. Headaches and grumpiness last until about 9, or my second cup of coffee at the office, whichever comes first. The first hour at work is always the toughest. All of those mornings people say "Hi, how you doing?, Good morning", etc. Do I respond honestly? No. Though I do reserve the right to not respond at all, or just stare at them like I don't speak English. Some people just know not to bother me until 9. After all, you cannot expect IT professionals to conduct business until caffeine levels have been raised significantly. It's worse when people call with stupid questions that early. I think I'm going to hang this on my office door.
OK, let me come to the point. If you are like me the playing field is hardy level during business hours. I spend 1/2 my time at work in a mild coma. Its not our fault we wake up after dark, we were just born that way. I'd like to open the argument of reversing the standard business hours every other week. Meaning next week we work from 8PM to 5AM. If nothing else it will put people in our position. When they feel like smacking you for being all upbeat and full of energy during that first hour of work you can just smile and laugh. Obviously the world is to set in their way to ever let an original idea like this ever come to the light of day, but wouldn't it be nice to get even- just once?

The Beer List

I was having a conversation with someone today about brew. She asked what my favorite was. Now this is a very hard question to answer, but I instinctively blurted out one of my staples. I have since decided I have several favorites and rather that a best to worst ranking, I need to rate them from 1 to 10. Here what I have off the top of my head. The only qualification here is that I have had at least one of each (that I remember) and all light beers suck, therefore are excluded.

Shiner - 10/10
Newcastle Brown Ale - 10/10
Sunshine Wheat 10/10
Sam Adam's Oktoberfest 10/10
SmithWick's 8/10
Dos XX Amber 8/10
Widmer 7/10
Sam Adam's 7/10
Pyramid Hefeweizen 6/10
Rahr Red 6/10
1554 Black Ale 6/10
Blue Moon 6/10
Ziegen Bock Amber 5/10
Dixie Blackened Voodoo 6/10
Becks Dark 5/10
Guiness 5/10
Sam Adam's Cherry Wheat 5/10
Stella 5/10
Warsteiner 4/10
Dos XX 4/10
Fat Tire 4/10
Ziegen Bock 3/10
Sunrise 3/10
Corona 3/10
Miller High Life 2/10
Coors 2/10
Budweiser 2/10
Bud Select 1/10

This list will be growing. I cannot think of them all right now, but feel free to suggest a few. However the rating will be left to yours truly.

Drink up

The Weekend Update

OK, no maybe its not the weekend. For some reason I was just thinking of that old skit on SNL with that Norm guy. It was always my favorite. I decided to take a sabbatical from blogging in June. There were some bad omens looming around and I didn't want any of you to get infected with some misdirected witchcraft. What has lifted my spirits? Its July. Know what that means? Football season approaches. I've also decided to quit taking things so damn seriously. I really haven't taken much time to enjoy myself lately.

Not all of you know this, but I took up jogging and eating better back in March (i think) For the longest time I wouldn't tell anyone how much weight I had lost. Call it supersticious if you want to, I just didn't want to jinx it because it was working so well. I kind of dropped the jogging routine due to the triple digit heat and my inability to get up and run in the A.M. The scale hasn't moved in a month so I figure I'll be here until it cools off a little. I also have not been very stringent on the diet over the past month, so I can't complain. If I removed the beer I'd probably be down to 200 by now, but I really like that stuff. (As a matter of fact I'm drinking a 1554 Black Ale right now) The final tally? 285lbs to 220lbs. I'll take it.

Houston trip

OK, so last week you know how I mentioned I was headed down to Houston for that graduation? I think I might have been a little inaccurate. It seems I headed down to Houston for a graduation party. The show started a little after 7 and we had a great time. Lots to drink, lots to eat, and a bunch of really cool people. We were pretty much trying to attract the cops with loud music and drunk people but they never showed up. It seems that if you get all of the neighbors drunk they are not able to call the police. All in all it was a good time, without an ounce of drama. At one point I cranked up the music in my truck...and left it that way for about 2 hours. The party lasted for a really long time and sunglasses were needed for the ride back to the hotel. After a couple of hours of sleep I had to get up and get to downtown Houston for the graduation. Luckily we had GPS and some of that headache powder stuff to assist with the commute. The only thing that got me through graduation was knowing that everyone else felt just as bad as I did. Especially the guy walking across the stage. We also did dinner with the family afterward and just hung out Sunday night. We all wanted to make another long night of it but none of us had the energy. We just sat around in a circle on the patio giving each other understanding stares that just said "yep, I feel like crap too. Entertain yourself" I hit the sack around midnight and got 7 glorios hours of sleep.

On a sidenote it turns out that going an entire weekend with a lowered immune system and hanging out with dozens of people can get you sick. I guess since I was at a crowded ballpark for 3 hours I'm lucky not to have swine flu.

Time Waster

You know those stupid web pages you see and think to yourself "what loser actually reads this crap?", shortly before you actually read the whole thing? Well I have found a good one. Not good in the sense that you will surely be addicted to it. Good in the sense that you will laugh at me for posting this. Yes its that bad, and yes I even bookmarked it. Luckily I have no shame. Here goes nothin'.

What did you think? Am I the only one that read at least 1/2 of it? The best part is that I wear boots to work every day. They don't have laces.

Graduation

My old roommate is graduating from Sam Houston this weekend and a buddy and I are headed down for the festivities. Saturday we are driving down to a little town called West. The best sirloin steak I've ever had resides in a small Slovakian steakhouse there. After that we are heading to college station. My buddy's cousin passed away in the A&M bonfire accident and he has never gotten to go to the memorial set up on campus. From there we are going to the hotel for a nap. This is needed for the pre-graduation kegger that will last until dawn. From there, in what will be a hungover stupor, we have to get to Minute Maid Park (where the Astros play) for the ceremony. Then its onto dinner and drinks at some hometown mexican joint, and then the long drive home late Sunday. My only thought-Will the other people look at me funny for drinking beer during a graduation ceremony? It is at a baseball park. I bet they have hot dogs too. Would that be bad form?

Miss Me?

Man, this blogging this is tough to keep up with. Usually by the time I have time to sit down at the computer and type up a little story its 9 or 10 in the evening and bumming out on the couch is a whole lot more appealing. I AM going to try and post a bit more frequently than I have been.

We will start with the results of my second trip to Oklahoma in as many weeks.
Lots of fishing-Check
Lot of eating the fish-Check
Beer drinking regardless of the hour-Check
Cards-Check
9-Ball-Check

Overall a very successful trip. I did have to get some gas just before crossing the red river, and yes it was again strange. It was one of those gas stations that looks normal, but hell no. Turns out it was one of those gas stations that sells everything, including clothes. I swear there were 2 guys checking out t-shirts on the rack and another one looking at CDs. Who in their right mind goes to the gas station for music and clothes? Yep, the weirdest people on Earth. OK, I feel better. One day maybe I'll tell you about the first horrid experience in that land locked 3rd world country.

My week thus far....

Monday-Got off work on time. Always a plus. Got a good run in, made dinner, and made a few calls. Boring yes, but I'm not complaining.

Tuesday-I only remember getting home. No alcohol involved.

Wednesday-I woke up at 5 in the morning fully clothed. My hat was still on too. I decided to go to Wal-Mart and get the grocery shopping done for the week. I then worked until 7, and afterward I helped some idiots move furniture in a thunderstorm. Got home late and hit the sack.

Thursday- Worked late again. Went and had some fish tacos with good company, got home and cleaned. A lot. No time to jog, which sucks.

Friday- As soon as I get off work on Friday I have a couple of friends coming over. It time for Man Trip. We are heading up to my father's house in the backwoods of Oklahoma for some fishing. If the fish don't bite, there's beer and a pool table. We can make do. As long as I don't have to talk to any natives I should be able to stay out of jail.

Quick Fix

Warning: This post is about Football. All those reading without the NFL gene woven into their DNA should stop reading now.

It time for the NFL Draft. For those of us that love Football this is an important time of year. You get to see which teams are going in the right direction and which are not. Unfortunately some of us watch the draft and realize it will be 5 months before we get to watch a game. 5 MONTHS! There should be laws against such things. I can tell you right now that by then end of July I will be shaking like a heroin addict that hasn't had a fix in 4 days. A man needs Football. Its an excuse to sit on his ass all day long and scream at the TV, or got to the bar and scream at the TV. Sunday is man day and we have a hard time justifying that without a proper sport on television. For now we get basketball and hockey which is acceptable, but in a month do you realize what will be left? Do you? That slow, boring game where 9 guys stand around and scratch themselves. That slow, boring game where you can eat 2 hot dogs, take a nap, go get a beer, and still only miss 90 seconds of action. I can feel dinner coming back up on me at the thought of the game so I won't even bother to say the word. Stupid game. No Football. I think I'll go cry myself to sleep now.

Nature is cruel

The other day I was driving home. It was one for those weird days where it rained for a little bit, and it kept raining even after the sun came out. Sound like perfect conditions for a rainbow? It was, and it wasn't some little one that lasted for 10 minutes. It was a full arch spanning the entire horizon, and I chased that sucker for 30 minutes. Now most people would just simply enjoy the scene, but I'm a little too cynical for that. What do I start thinking about? Yep, the gold. Now I do realize that there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I don't believe in fairy tales. Besides, Leprechauns are way to sneaky to get caught. The almost got one in Alabama though.

So this gets me thinking about nothing less that being rich and all of the things I would do with the money. You know you do it too. You have to dream a little every once it a while. Before the rainbow disappeared like a beer at a frat party, I came up with the following-

1. Buy a little house on the beach somewhere exotic. Hire a french cook to teach me everything they know. I'd be able to fish every single day and drink a rita' on the beach at sunset. No complaints
2. I'm a guy. Horsepower. Lots of it. A 1 bedroom house attached to a 30 car garage should do.
3. I'd take about half of the money and give it to friends. Make sure their kids education is paid for, stuff like that.
4. A couple of times a year I'd fly all of my friends and family into whatever town I'm in and have a get together for a weekend. Then I'd send the family home and party with the friends for the rest of the week.

I started to have thoughts of buying an NFL franchise, but that faded just as fast as the pretty colors.

Meow

Got a cat? Want a cat? Don't understand cats? Help is here.

Look Ma, Aliens!

After many years of research I have come to the conclusion that there are aliens living among us. I recently took a little weekend trip to do some fishing and I encountered a few of them. Now usually I try to avoid leaving the vehicle when I am in this part of the country. Unfortunately I had to enter a large building where the aliens gather on weekends for public assembly. No, it wasn't a church, it was even worse. Wal-Mart. You might as well consider it Mecca with the way it draws people towards it. I actually heard one guy say to the checkout lady "This store must be half a mile wide and a quarter mile deep!" He was not to be confused with the man telling his boy in sheer excitement "Look Johnny, they got seven different kinds of bratwurst!" I'm fairly certain he counted them with his fingers first. I almost popped an eye out of socket trying not to laugh.

The aliens all look like humans, but that's about it. They dress weird, speak with an odd dialect, and smell a little strange. They also drive 20 MPH under the speed limit, reside in trailer homes, and love noodling. If you find yourself in a place like this you are located in Oklahoma and should leave immediately. 200 miles in any direction sould cover it. Go now.

I do realize that as a Texan your IQ will immediately qualify you to run for mayor of whatever podunk town you are in (Tulsa, for instance) but you must leave. If you move to Oklahoma I will treat you as an Okie, and will make jokes you won't get after spending too much time with the natives. Sorry Pops, but you made your chioce.

As a lifelong Texan with many bad experiences North of the Red River I am convinced the Border Patrol is building the fence on the wrong side of the state. We need to keep the Okies out of Texas, and anyone that has ever met one will understand. For any Okies reading this, congradualtions for reading this far. Now go take some Advil and get a nap. Your head must be killing you.

Soon to come: Part 2 "Revised Plan for Stopping Illegal Immigration"

Too much?

OK, maybe I was a little rough on the old Amazon. I bought a new toy that I'm thrilled with. I also snagged a pair of albums for that oh so cheap price of 9.99. The first one is the new Flo Rida. For those of you that bought his last one, this one is better. It has a little Black Eyed Peas feel to it. A little bit different and more upbeat than his normal stuff. It has a little something for everyone, even if you don't normally listen to rap. I like every song on it.

Warning: If you visit a certain type of club soon (the type where they have rules about where you can put your hands) you will hear something off of this album. Dance beats are present.

The 2nd one is the new Ludacris album, Theater of the Mind. OK, its not that new, but I didn't have it until now. So far I've only gotten to the intro and one other but lets just say Luda is back. Its been a while since he made an album I like, but this one is solid. Its more about the lyrics than the baet with him (as always). You'll have to actually like rap to dig this album. I give it 3 1/2 stars.

Amazon Will Send me to the Poor House

Now usually I can refrain from buying things I don't need but Amazon just kills me. I can go on there and refrain from buying things, but that evil web site remembers stuff I've looked at!!!!

I had to do a little shopping today, no big deal right? So get find what I need and checkout. Kinda. All that junk I've looked at over the past month is staring me in the face screaming BUY ME. I know I shouldn't, but I figure what the hell. I'm spending 80 bucks, why not make it 100? To top it all off I realize next Friday is a holiday, and to make sure I get it I pay 10 bucks more for shipping. I am so hopeless. Stupid computer.

One day I'm going to have to sell all the crap I've bought off that site just to pay rent. I'm sure that will come at a 90% loss. There better be enough left over for a bottle of vodka in the end.

Where does the day go?

9 o'clock in the evening and the speakers connected to my desktop are keeping the neighbors up. Why? Simple, loud music is needed when still working at this hour. My laptop is is my lap with the desktop banging away to Chamilliionare. I did get off at 5, but after a quick trip to a friends house and shopping at Target what do I do when I get home? Eat? No, I work more. I drink too, but that's needed right now. I officially have no life during the week, and I'm thinking alcoholics might have something here. I have had some form of booz 5 days in a row now. That's a little abnormal for me, but it sure makes me feel better about what I'm doing right now. Hell, it might even be improving my performance.

In the 20 minutes I've been writing this and clicking here and there on the laptop I've edited and .msi package, exported a modified registry key, and rolled it all into a batch file so I can install it on 200 computers with a double click. That means I am the King of all Nerds, and I'm really good at my job.(or just over-confident) Unfortuantely my boss is just as confused as you are as to what I just said, so he doesn't really get what I do. That's ok though, mother nature punished him last night by putting some hail through his office window.

I think I'm done working for the night. Time to do something a little more fun. You probably think that means some D&D or crossword puzzles, but you would be incorrect. The King of Nerds (all of them) does not stoop to that level. I'm pouring my 4th glass of wine and drunk dialing the entire population of my sim card. When that bores me I'll go make a pass at my neighbor's girlfriend, just for kicks. If don' think this is a Whataburger night, but if it is I might just sleep until 8. Hey, a guy can dream can't he?

Grub

Since I'm watching what I eat 6 days a week (more or less) I usually go to a pretty decent venue when it comes to eating out. I like stuff a little more exotic than most, and the last thing I'm going to eat at a sit down restaurant is a burger. Sushi is a fan favorite, but lately I've been trying to think of restaurants types I've never had. Here's what I have so far (that I want to try)-

• Mediterranean
• Korean
• German
• French
• Brazilian
• Colombian
• Russian
• Egyptian
• Moroccan
• Indonesian/Filipino
• Scandinavian
  

That's all for now. I'll be lucky if I taste all that before I'm 30.

Weekend thus far

Well, my weekend list is not going well. That's not to say its been bad. Got my sushi fix last night and had a great night all together. Unfortunately I have been recruited to help someone move today. I should sell my truck and lose 40 more pounds. That should put an end to the moving requests. To make matters worse the weather has turned downright nasty. Its 40 degrees with a steady 35 MPH wind. Not moving weather.

Maybe tonight I'll reward myself with a treat, but I have no idea what it will be. Maybe I'll actually watch a basketball game. This is the last sports gambling I will take part in until football season starts again.

NCAA Tourney

Stupid brackets. I'm still alive for my payday, but I've got to have UCONN run the table. Duke losing really hurt me and has eliminated and chance of me having the final four. Just thought I'd keep my sports fans in the loop. Addiction is only a problem if you lose money or friends doing it.

What bugs me?

I'm glad you asked. I would keep my mouth shut otherwise. Those of you that know me understand that I enjoy the more eclectic side of life. When I find something out of the ordinary I at least appreciate it, even if I don't particularly like it. There's an insight into my mental state 90% of the time. So here we go-

1. People that always eat the same food at the same place, and never have any adventure. These are the same type of folks that put ranch dressing or ketchup on everything. That really drives me up the wall.

2. Bad movies. Now I'm not talking bad movies in general, but movies that everyone gets to see before you. They all tell you its great, and when you finally do see the show it turns out your time would have been better spent playing solitaire.

3. We are still with the movie thing here, but do you know people that decide they are going to like a movie before they see it? Am I weird for thinking these people have a deficiency of some kind? I want to walk them to the computer and Wiki the word "objective".

4. Drunk people that need babysitting. Need I say more?

5. Sales tactics. Now I have to admit, I can appreciate a good salesman. But only because they are twice as much fun to screw with as a bad one. Usually I can catch a salesperson off guard and get them tripping over their words in no time. But when I come across a good one I actually have to try a little harder. Every now and then I find one that has an answer to everything I ask him, and more importantly he gets it all right. At which point I say, "Nice job man. You've got a nice pitch and you know your stuff. Now go find someone that is susceptible to your tactics." When he looks at me funny I just explain its this or beer. He understands.

5. Rap music. Just kidding.

5-b. The fact that I can't think of anything else that gets on my nerves. Lets just call this part 1. More to come at a later date.

Things I want to do this week

• Watch some of the NCAA basketball tourney (and make some green in the process)
  
• Find a way to get out of helping a friend move Saturday
• Jog at least 3 times by Sunday night
• Get my hands on the new Fast and the Furious movie
• Eat Sushi
• Finish the 1/2 bottle of wine I just discovered in the icebox (tonight)
  
• Make a public statement*
• Buy a new book
• Get one good night of sleep
• Buy a new belt
  

Health food sucks

OK, I've been good for months now. I eat right and I work out a few times a week. Fortunately it is working and I'm doing good as far as the scale is concerned. Truth is I really want a T-bone, some potato chips, and please oh please a Dr. Pepper. I miss my friend and his 23 flavors of goodness. If I had a DP in the fridge I'd drink it right now. But no, I have removed temptation from my domicile. My last trip to the fridge I spotted a sack of carrots, some yogurt, and a bunch of condiments. Oh, and lots of beer that I feel guilty about drinking which is why its been there for months. Guess I'll keep my head down and keep doing what I'm doing. If anybody wants to come drink some of this beer please let me know. And we are not talking stuff that comes in cans. So there's your invite. Sunday you can come over and drink my beer and watch the NCAA tourney on my TV. I guess we will see how many of you can get a pass from the wife on Sunday.

I Want to be a....

I know I have been neglecting you all for weeks, and I know you are just salivating to know what I've been up to. (please see a medical professional if a little drool just seeped out-and a psychiatrist) To be honest I've been a little down lately. I've been a little sick, and struggling to make it through the day at the office. The daily grind is getting a little old and I've been doing some thinking. Perhaps a change of scenery is in order. (oddly enough Beat It by Michael Jackson just started playing on the computer) So while watching a little cable earlier I came across a show on the History Channel called Ax Men. Sounds cool right? I started watching these guys pull timbers out of the woods using a chopper. Within 5 minutes one broke loose from about 200 feet up and sent Mr. Logger high tailing it away from the scene, leaving the camera guy 20 yards behind. So guess what I want my next job to be? You're wrong. Now crab fishing in Alaska I'll do, but screw logging. If I fall out of the boat I can at least swim for it for a few minutes. If I get hit by a falling 2 ton log I'll just be fertilizer.

I think I need one of those jobs where you work for 2 weeks and then come home for 2 weeks. Like a roughneck on an oil rig or something. Just the thing for a college grad (sort of).

Other ideas I am entertaining-

• Professional Chef on some rich person's yacht (or a guest)
  
• Ice Cream Flavor Creator
  
• Brew Master
  
• NFL analyst
• Mystery Movie Watcher
• Casino host
• Protege to Hugh Hefner
• CIA operative
• Thoroughbred trainer
• Dolphin Jockey
• Chocolatier
• Somebody that gives money away for rich people to folks on the street

I'll do the last one for free.

So, do you know a guy that knows a guy? I need his number. Fast.

The Sun is Gone

The weather in Texas is getting a little out of control. Its been sunny and warm all week long. I think it hit 88 degrees on Thursday. However, today is cloudy and breezy and I feel great. The sun has been sucking the life out of me for days now, so this is a nice change. I'll definitely be jogging today even if I have to do it in the rain. I think I'm actually hoping for that. I'll probably get mistaken for a homeless person or B & E suspect, but that will make it more interesting. For those of you with sunny weather: Please ask it to stay so we can keep the clouds.

A Leter to My Shin

Dear Shin (the right one),

Lately you and I have had some trouble getting along and I would like get that out in the open. A few weeks ago we went for a jog and you held up fairly well. Now I know usually I give you a few days rest from one pavement trip and the next, but the next day was a really bad one and I needed to vent a little anger. The first hundred yards you tried to tell me it wasn't going to happen, and I didn't listen. 1/2 a mile later you were done screwing around and made your point loud and clear. I limped back home with a little less pride than before.

Now I gave you 3 weeks off after the screaming between my knee and ankle stopped. Today we went for a nice evening run in the moonlight. Just you, me, and the blinding headlights of passers by. The first quarter mile you were a little hesitant, but then you loosened up like a cheap date on dollar beer night and were just along for the ride. 2 miles later you were still game, but the lungs just couldn't hold out. The next 2 miles we walked a bit and ran a little more. Then, just as we cleared the last cross street you made your presence known. Now you burn from within with the fire of an STD than could only come from a 3rd world country in turmoil. This is bullshit and I want my $5 back. I mean really, it feels like I just scrubbed you down with a Brillo pad and some rubbing alcohol. This is ridiculous.

That's all. I've decided I'm to pissed to offer any resolution a this time. I will however drown out your voice with vodka for the rest of the evening.

Role Models

Everyone has them, and they change throughout our lives. This has been rolling around in the back of my mind for the past few weeks. I started with a little boy at Target begging his Mom for a toy of some kind, which she promptly made him put back on the shelf. I got curious for some reason and went to see what it was. It turned out to be Batman. Not surprising, but this got my mind driving in reverse back to the days of being a kid and what I was into.

The first thing I can remember liking was He-Man. Yes, I said it. I even remember his arch enemy Skeletor. After that it was Ninja Turtles, and I'm not embarrassed to admit that either. I can't remember much past that until my teenage years when it was all sports. Michael Jordan was on the list. Dale Earnhardt was the man for many years, and there might have been a couple more in that genre I'm forgetting. As I got older it was more of a respect issue rather than fantasy. While I can't think of any specific examples other than my grandfather (he was a hell of a guy), I can remember trying more to be like him as I grew into my own. Its been a while since I've had someone to admire, but a friend introduced me to my new hero. I'm pretty sure I'm going for a career change after seeing what this guy has to offer. (Is Pimping a career?) Now I can't exactly show you what I mean because that would be stealing someone else's thunder. I can tell you that if you tilt your head 90 degrees to the left and than try and look at your chin you might be staring in the right direction. All I know is that Bobby is the man.

I wonder if he has a sister.

Thoughts of Late

First and foremost-I need a vacation. No, I'm not flying to Michigan for a while so you fellas up north can keep your money for a while longer. I just need to get out of town for a day or 5. I'll probably just take a Monday off and go fishing with my old man for a weekend. That or I'm going snowboarding. I might need a little motivation to go with the latter, so if you know anyone with the same problem.......

Next up I would like to thank up the folks at Hulu for allowing me catch up with some tv over the weekend. I only watch 3 shows, but I might just start watching a few more. So to all those making it possibleI say thank you. (Even if you are responsible for the extinction of the Fraggle people. No, wait. That was someone else)

Tales from the Dark Side♦

Well not really. But that's what this last week has felt like. I was taken to a large room in a sub-basement that felt like a dungeon. They forced me to work long hours without sleep. I couldn't leave until my task was complete, which is why I have ignored you for the past week. I did get 4 free cookies and a red bull out of the deal though. (The red bull really wasn't appreciated) I prepared for the ordeal by drinking throughout the weekend, and I even made an ass out of myself at least once. Not very proud of that one, and I think the price of redemption will be a steep one.

The good news is that hell week is over and done. I got off work ON TIME today. I was so happy I almost hugged a complete stranger at my apartment complex. I celebrated by doing a little recon at a new sushi joint, and cleaning my apartment. I think I'll even get a decent amount of sleep tonight.

Tomorrow I will run many miles, and I might even stock the giant beer container in my kitchen with something it hasn't seen for weeks-food. Someone even recommended I buy some fake fruit to make it look like I went grocery shopping. Knowing me I'd get drunk and murder a plastic apple at 3 in the morning.......and not realize it until the sun came up.

More to come this weekend.

Upcoming weekend

For those of you who don't know yet, I will be M.I.A. for the next week or so. If you have not pre-arranged alcohol consumption with me thus far, do not expect my presence at the next gathering. Sorry, but Saturday is the only day I have off and I'll be running errands all day and have plans that evening. Expect the blog to be abandoned during that same time frame.

Note: If you show up at my door with alcohol at 1 a.m. Friday night I will assist you with making it disappear.

Out

Riddle me this

I came across an old riddle today that stumps everybody, and therefore is my favorite. I won't pretend like I figured it out either, because I didn't. There are some rules-

1. No using the google
2. I will tell you the answer
3. Please note that I did not say when I would tell you the answer, or how much it would cost you
4. I will never post another riddle again if you cheat.

Here goes:

The man who built it doesn't want it.
The man who bought doesn't need it.
The man who needs it doesn't know it.

What is IT?

If I Made the Rules

During my jog I had an interesting idea pop into my head somewhere between Mos Def and Coal Chamber. I sort of assisted the law in getting a friend pulled over earlier and I felt bad for them, so I'd like to propose a new law for speed limits. No more posting the maximum speed you can travel in your vehicle. Instead lets base the speed limit on an individual basis. And how do we do that? Simple-we base the speed limit on an individual IQ. How easy is that? Think about it for a minute. Whats your IQ? If you're reading my blog chances are you're allowed to go a damn sight over 100. Is that a smile creeping across your face? I thought so. Now here are some benefits I have thought of so far-

• Idiots wont be able to keep up, so you have less chance of being hit by one
• If you see someone driving slow, you'll know everything you need to about that individual
• You'll get invited on more road trips with your friends
• A sports car would be practical
• We would get special lanes on the highway
• You could take that job 45 miles away and not have to worry about the commute
• Field sobriety test would be much more civil and even more accurate. Just a cop with a stopwatch asking you to take a quick test to verify how well your mind is working. Or you could be like this guy and there's no need. Whatever happens just don't make the cops break out the taser.
• You could hit the snooze one more time every morning and still make it to work on time

Now there are some drawbacks here. Your below average IQ is between 70 and 84. That seems a little steep so here's what we do-When getting the car inspected the service guy just changes the speedometer to kilometers per hour. They'll never know and instead of going 80 MPH they will really be doing 50 MPH. Of course we could just go with the George Carlin point of view and let the idiots weed themselves out, tree by tree.

What do you think? If you have any ideas to add please comment. Maybe we can petition for it with 8 or 9 more people on board. And while I'm thinking about it, you can start saving up for my birthday present. I'll take one in black. I can't wait until September.

Good Day Today

Ever have one of those days when you wake up and just know its going to be a good day? Today was one of those. I got a ton of stuff done and still have a few hours left before I got into a vegetative state. It has to be the weather. Cool, windy, and overcast makes for a good day. I think its time for a movie, a little house cleaning, and a jog.

Evil Conspiracy

I just tried to get my cell account transferred to another company, and the nice guy at the counter said my credit was not exactly up to par. He said I could put down a small fortune for deposit and proceed. I wanted to laugh, but the shock of having bad credit was a little unnerving. Considering I had perfect credit a year ago and that I don't owe anyone money I did some digging. Of the three credit reports I looked up one decided not to help, one said everything was peachy, and the last one said I lived in Oklahoma and my date of birth was wrong. Therefore I have some to the following conclusion-I am not a Texan, my parents lied to me, and I still have perfect credit. It still doesn't explain my problem with the evildoers at the cell shop, and makes me even more angry. I don't even know what to do next. This isn't exactly how I saw my weekend starting, and now I have to go to work. Lovely.

The Plunge

27 years old, been working in IT for a decent chunk of that, and I just got into blogging. Its amazing I can even hold a job when you look at it that way. I would like to thank all those responsible. Most notably the woman that is my recent inspiration. I don't remember he name, but I met her at the circus. Long story. Others include my cats who are keeping me here on a Friday night. If luck holds out that will be cat -singular- before the night is over. Yes, sadly that's all I have to hope for on a Friday night, but I'll take it.

Fortunately for most of you football season just ended, which means it will be a while until I use this as a means to lay down long drawn out jokes that only the parties involved will understand. You'll be totally confused, but probably laugh at it all the same. Still not buying? Fine, lets just say they usually involve a few Smurfs, a twinkie, a brown man, gnomes, a snowflake, and a guy named Dave that causes all the trouble. I'll leave it at that.

Now its time for me to recruit some real nerds and attack this .xml file.