Monday, April 13, 2009

Look Ma, Aliens!

After many years of research I have come to the conclusion that there are aliens living among us. I recently took a little weekend trip to do some fishing and I encountered a few of them. Now usually I try to avoid leaving the vehicle when I am in this part of the country. Unfortunately I had to enter a large building where the aliens gather on weekends for public assembly. No, it wasn't a church, it was even worse. Wal-Mart. You might as well consider it Mecca with the way it draws people towards it. I actually heard one guy say to the checkout lady "This store must be half a mile wide and a quarter mile deep!" He was not to be confused with the man telling his boy in sheer excitement "Look Johnny, they got seven different kinds of bratwurst!" I'm fairly certain he counted them with his fingers first. I almost popped an eye out of socket trying not to laugh.

The aliens all look like humans, but that's about it. They dress weird, speak with an odd dialect, and smell a little strange. They also drive 20 MPH under the speed limit, reside in trailer homes, and love noodling. If you find yourself in a place like this you are located in Oklahoma and should leave immediately. 200 miles in any direction sould cover it. Go now.

I do realize that as a Texan your IQ will immediately qualify you to run for mayor of whatever podunk town you are in (Tulsa, for instance) but you must leave. If you move to Oklahoma I will treat you as an Okie, and will make jokes you won't get after spending too much time with the natives. Sorry Pops, but you made your chioce.

As a lifelong Texan with many bad experiences North of the Red River I am convinced the Border Patrol is building the fence on the wrong side of the state. We need to keep the Okies out of Texas, and anyone that has ever met one will understand. For any Okies reading this, congradualtions for reading this far. Now go take some Advil and get a nap. Your head must be killing you.

Soon to come: Part 2 "Revised Plan for Stopping Illegal Immigration"

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